Hope

I haven't really made any new posts because I don't know what to post. God of course has been and always will be awesome to me. I guess I am getting frustrated with the people I work with. So many of them are lost....so many of them don't have the hope I am blessed to have. Even the ones who say they are Christians don't seem like they do. I am not in the least saying I am better than them, because I am not. We are all sinners. I'm not perfect, just forgiven.

I just feel saddened that they have let sin take over their lives. I don't understand how they can live life as if THIS life is all there is. What hope is there in that? What is just as sad if not sadder is that the so called "Christians" at work are living their lives as if they were not Christians. I feel frustrated that they are not letting God take over their lives fully and completely. I am not saying they aren't saved...only God knows that, but it just saddens me.

So that is kind of my struggle of this week. More to come hopefully.

I want to see Jesus

I just watched Passion of the Christ with my parents tonight. I've watched it several times, but I am so amazed at how much Jesus went through to save us. And even if I was the only sinner in the world, He would still save us. I don't understand how someone could resist Christ's willingness to suffer for their sins. I don't understand WHY Christ would suffer for MY sins. I have done NOTHING to deserve His love and forgiveness. Sure I am nice some of the time, and go to church most of the time, but inside my very core is wickedness that is not worthy of anyone's blood being shed for me. My thoughts are evil. Why would Jesus save me? Why? Oh man h0w I love Him. I stop and think sometimes who, what, and where I would be if I didn't have Jesus. The very thought brings tears to my eyes and an extreme gratefullness that I cannot explain takes over me. Oh how I love Him. Today, two thousand years ago, he died for me. For you. For all of humanity. And why? Because
for God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believes in Him will not perish but have everlasting life.John 3:16
He did it because He LOVED ME. WOW.
After I saw the movie I told my parents I want to see Jesus. I can't wait until I can be forever at peace in the presence of my Savior.

And ....depression sets in.

All the rehearsals, all the performances for Much Ado About Nothing are over. Its like Mr L says-it all disappears into air...bittersweet and beautiful...that is theater for you.

I made and improved a lot of friendships in the play this year. I am going to miss it A LOT. And I'm not looking forward to going back to my seemingly mundane life. I just feel like crying. I don't think I could do Hollywood or even Ashland because I hate saying goodbye. I want to relive it again and again. It went by so fast...too fast. And it makes me frustrated that it went by so fast. It happens every year. 9 weeks of rehearsals...working hard with lines...making friends...and then BANG all in one day two performances...a cast party the same evening...and then...just like that...gone. What if this was my last year doing the plays? Then it will forever be gone.
God will get me through. God doesn't want me this low. He has prepared more for me than just 3 months of great play rehearsals...lots of laughs and comradery. I have my whole life ahead of me...I have more exciting things to look forward too...ultimately leading up to eternity with my Jesus...where nothing is gone and everything lasts forever.

Speechless

God is awesome beyond what words can say. I see it in His Word...

I see it in my family...

In my friends....

In His beautiful creation...

And in countless other blessings that are as numerous as the grains of sand. How precious are His thoughts towards you and me. Never forget that.

God is love. He has commanded us to love. Therefore He has commanded us to be like Him. So if I want to know how to love someone, all I have to do is look to Jesus Christ. And isn't that the answer for everything?

Cortni

If you ever want to be in my shoes for a week...or two...

week in a nutshell... last time I posted it was saturday, February 2 and since I don't really know what to post I'll just write what I did since then.

Sunday: Church 8am, and I think I did something at home that night but I can't remember.
Monday: I went to Heather and Steph's house at around 3 and hung out until 7. We talked, went on a walk...ate dinner.
Tuesday: Worked on my business a bit then went to SGH at 2:45. We covered some good stuff. I can't believe its half over. Its feels like it just started. :(
Wednesday: Work 9-5. Leave for church at 6:25pm
Thursday: Work 9-5...hang at home
Friday: Work 9-5..stop at Target on the way home and purchase a planner for my business. Then am asked by my brother and his fiance shortly after I walked through the door if i would like to accompany them to the gym. I accepted. We worked out for about fifty minutes or so...I did 15 minutes elliptical, 15 minutes treadmill, 10 minutes weights, and 10 minutes light weights and stretching.
Saturday: a short shift of 8-12. After returning home and eating lunch, my dad and I went to Fry's and I bought a photo scanner for my business. Then we went to Hollywood video and rented a Wii game. Came home. I decided that before I could hook up my new scanner my pig sty of a room had to be picked up...my bed made...before I could concentrate. So I spent 45 minutes or so doing that..putting a new stand in my room to put my scanner on. Then I started scanning pics for my brother's wedding( i am making them a slideshow). After scanning 25 pics I realized the dpi was set to 300 when I could have set it to 1200 and got better quality pics. But I was too tired, so I decided to wait till the next day to do the rest.
Sunday: Church at 8am. 1 year old nursery at 10 am. Got home, talked to my parents about the sermon( tithing...tough subject! ). Went upstairs to my room and started rescanning those pictures. It took twice as long since the dpi was set higher...so I was working on from 2 to about 6. The slideshow is about 1/4 of the way finished.
Monday(today): So far I have woke up, checked my email and facebook, watched a few youtube videos, eaten pancakes for breakfast, took a bath, looked over my lines for MAAN, and written this post. I need to work on my slideshows, scan more pictures, work on my website.......and memorize my lines.

So if anyone ever thought they wished the lived in the days I live in...think again. ;)

Lots of feeling....

'Ello....its Cortni! I am back! :) This week was very interesting. I don't know how to explain it but I feel like I'm growing up more. But yet I will always feel like a child, like "why am I in this grown-up's body"? Maybe I don't always act like a child..but inside....I don't know. I guess I am learning that being confused and struggling with who I am doesn't stop once I turn 18. It is a life's journey that only God can help me through.

My business starting process is going better. I am well on my way at creating my website...so thats one huge step almost out of the way. Still more steps to go...my goal is to have my business ready by the middle of March, because I'm planning on putting my ad in the playbill of Much Ado About Nothing. Pray for me. I feel alot of pressure from alot of areas.

On the same note, in the next post i will attact a slideshow I made a few months back of my life story and who I am.

Short and Sweet

Wow, I cant believe its only been four days since my last post. It feels like forever. Suddenly the weeks go by so slow now.
Not really anything new this week.....I worked Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and am off until Wednesday!!!! I'm excited! What shall I do? I might buy my website builder now that I just got paid. I got about 75 bucks more than usual so I have enough money to buy it. Then I can at least get working on building the website so i can finally start my business.
God has really been giving me a new found desire to study His Word. I had been not very excited about reading the Bible, but He has shown me what I can do when I dive into His Word. I can share truth. I'm currently starting to study Ruth. I never totally understood the whole kinsman redeemer thing in the story so now I will. I also have found a blessing in taking notes when listening to my pastor's sermons in church. It really keeps my mind focused and I can understand the word a whole lot better.

Thats about it. The play is going along pretty well, alot of things to remember but as always its a blast!!!

cort