update..

This will be short, but I just wanted to say I'm still here. I'm doing alright...going through a little tough times but pulling through. God is still good. Sorry for the shortness but I've got to get ready for work!

The beauty of simplicity.

I honestly don't know if any person out there looks at this blog, but I thought I'd post anyway since its been over a month since my last post. All I basically have to say is God has been great. He is just doing amazing things in my life right now. I am in awe at His blessings.

yeah, that's it.

What is life all about, anyway?

1 Peter 2:21
For God called you to do good, even if it means suffering, just as Christ suffered for you.

This verse stuck out to me when I read the Word this morning. I am currently struggling with the suffering I am encountering trying to do something God wants me to do. Its not a huge thing or anything. Just a small thing I feel the Lord is leading me to step out and do. Deep in my soul I know it is going to bless me, but then there is this other part that is leaving doubts in my mind. Of course, the doubts are not from God, but it is hard to shake them.
But according to this verse, God is calling me to do good, EVEN if it means I will suffer while doing it. For some weird reason that verse comforted me.
I am also reading Don't Waste Your Life by John Piper, and I found some inspiring words in there as well- " [Life] is about the greatness of God, not the significance of man." Wow. John Piper's words there just showed me that stepping out and doing things for the Lord that are uncomfortable is to bring glory to God. It gave me a new perspective. No longer am I going to step out and doing this thing that is going to bring me uncomfort, but I am stepping out and doing this thing that will bring God glory. Its really cool how my attitude changes once I take ME out of the picture. Once I take ME out of the picture and focus on GOD, I feel like I can do anything. It's like having a superpower. Oddly enough, I just realized those last two sentences as I wrote them. God is great. I feel if I keep focusing on Him, it will make me feel at least a little less uncomfortable about my situation.

I don't know what I would do without Him.

Hope

I haven't really made any new posts because I don't know what to post. God of course has been and always will be awesome to me. I guess I am getting frustrated with the people I work with. So many of them are lost....so many of them don't have the hope I am blessed to have. Even the ones who say they are Christians don't seem like they do. I am not in the least saying I am better than them, because I am not. We are all sinners. I'm not perfect, just forgiven.

I just feel saddened that they have let sin take over their lives. I don't understand how they can live life as if THIS life is all there is. What hope is there in that? What is just as sad if not sadder is that the so called "Christians" at work are living their lives as if they were not Christians. I feel frustrated that they are not letting God take over their lives fully and completely. I am not saying they aren't saved...only God knows that, but it just saddens me.

So that is kind of my struggle of this week. More to come hopefully.

I want to see Jesus

I just watched Passion of the Christ with my parents tonight. I've watched it several times, but I am so amazed at how much Jesus went through to save us. And even if I was the only sinner in the world, He would still save us. I don't understand how someone could resist Christ's willingness to suffer for their sins. I don't understand WHY Christ would suffer for MY sins. I have done NOTHING to deserve His love and forgiveness. Sure I am nice some of the time, and go to church most of the time, but inside my very core is wickedness that is not worthy of anyone's blood being shed for me. My thoughts are evil. Why would Jesus save me? Why? Oh man h0w I love Him. I stop and think sometimes who, what, and where I would be if I didn't have Jesus. The very thought brings tears to my eyes and an extreme gratefullness that I cannot explain takes over me. Oh how I love Him. Today, two thousand years ago, he died for me. For you. For all of humanity. And why? Because
for God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believes in Him will not perish but have everlasting life.John 3:16
He did it because He LOVED ME. WOW.
After I saw the movie I told my parents I want to see Jesus. I can't wait until I can be forever at peace in the presence of my Savior.

And ....depression sets in.

All the rehearsals, all the performances for Much Ado About Nothing are over. Its like Mr L says-it all disappears into air...bittersweet and beautiful...that is theater for you.

I made and improved a lot of friendships in the play this year. I am going to miss it A LOT. And I'm not looking forward to going back to my seemingly mundane life. I just feel like crying. I don't think I could do Hollywood or even Ashland because I hate saying goodbye. I want to relive it again and again. It went by so fast...too fast. And it makes me frustrated that it went by so fast. It happens every year. 9 weeks of rehearsals...working hard with lines...making friends...and then BANG all in one day two performances...a cast party the same evening...and then...just like that...gone. What if this was my last year doing the plays? Then it will forever be gone.
God will get me through. God doesn't want me this low. He has prepared more for me than just 3 months of great play rehearsals...lots of laughs and comradery. I have my whole life ahead of me...I have more exciting things to look forward too...ultimately leading up to eternity with my Jesus...where nothing is gone and everything lasts forever.

Speechless

God is awesome beyond what words can say. I see it in His Word...

I see it in my family...

In my friends....

In His beautiful creation...

And in countless other blessings that are as numerous as the grains of sand. How precious are His thoughts towards you and me. Never forget that.

God is love. He has commanded us to love. Therefore He has commanded us to be like Him. So if I want to know how to love someone, all I have to do is look to Jesus Christ. And isn't that the answer for everything?

Cortni

If you ever want to be in my shoes for a week...or two...

week in a nutshell... last time I posted it was saturday, February 2 and since I don't really know what to post I'll just write what I did since then.

Sunday: Church 8am, and I think I did something at home that night but I can't remember.
Monday: I went to Heather and Steph's house at around 3 and hung out until 7. We talked, went on a walk...ate dinner.
Tuesday: Worked on my business a bit then went to SGH at 2:45. We covered some good stuff. I can't believe its half over. Its feels like it just started. :(
Wednesday: Work 9-5. Leave for church at 6:25pm
Thursday: Work 9-5...hang at home
Friday: Work 9-5..stop at Target on the way home and purchase a planner for my business. Then am asked by my brother and his fiance shortly after I walked through the door if i would like to accompany them to the gym. I accepted. We worked out for about fifty minutes or so...I did 15 minutes elliptical, 15 minutes treadmill, 10 minutes weights, and 10 minutes light weights and stretching.
Saturday: a short shift of 8-12. After returning home and eating lunch, my dad and I went to Fry's and I bought a photo scanner for my business. Then we went to Hollywood video and rented a Wii game. Came home. I decided that before I could hook up my new scanner my pig sty of a room had to be picked up...my bed made...before I could concentrate. So I spent 45 minutes or so doing that..putting a new stand in my room to put my scanner on. Then I started scanning pics for my brother's wedding( i am making them a slideshow). After scanning 25 pics I realized the dpi was set to 300 when I could have set it to 1200 and got better quality pics. But I was too tired, so I decided to wait till the next day to do the rest.
Sunday: Church at 8am. 1 year old nursery at 10 am. Got home, talked to my parents about the sermon( tithing...tough subject! ). Went upstairs to my room and started rescanning those pictures. It took twice as long since the dpi was set higher...so I was working on from 2 to about 6. The slideshow is about 1/4 of the way finished.
Monday(today): So far I have woke up, checked my email and facebook, watched a few youtube videos, eaten pancakes for breakfast, took a bath, looked over my lines for MAAN, and written this post. I need to work on my slideshows, scan more pictures, work on my website.......and memorize my lines.

So if anyone ever thought they wished the lived in the days I live in...think again. ;)

Lots of feeling....

'Ello....its Cortni! I am back! :) This week was very interesting. I don't know how to explain it but I feel like I'm growing up more. But yet I will always feel like a child, like "why am I in this grown-up's body"? Maybe I don't always act like a child..but inside....I don't know. I guess I am learning that being confused and struggling with who I am doesn't stop once I turn 18. It is a life's journey that only God can help me through.

My business starting process is going better. I am well on my way at creating my website...so thats one huge step almost out of the way. Still more steps to go...my goal is to have my business ready by the middle of March, because I'm planning on putting my ad in the playbill of Much Ado About Nothing. Pray for me. I feel alot of pressure from alot of areas.

On the same note, in the next post i will attact a slideshow I made a few months back of my life story and who I am.

Short and Sweet

Wow, I cant believe its only been four days since my last post. It feels like forever. Suddenly the weeks go by so slow now.
Not really anything new this week.....I worked Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and am off until Wednesday!!!! I'm excited! What shall I do? I might buy my website builder now that I just got paid. I got about 75 bucks more than usual so I have enough money to buy it. Then I can at least get working on building the website so i can finally start my business.
God has really been giving me a new found desire to study His Word. I had been not very excited about reading the Bible, but He has shown me what I can do when I dive into His Word. I can share truth. I'm currently starting to study Ruth. I never totally understood the whole kinsman redeemer thing in the story so now I will. I also have found a blessing in taking notes when listening to my pastor's sermons in church. It really keeps my mind focused and I can understand the word a whole lot better.

Thats about it. The play is going along pretty well, alot of things to remember but as always its a blast!!!

cort

Breathe. Just Breathe. Trust. Just Trust.

Yes I am still writing on here. I worked alot of days last week, because my manager gave me too many hours on accident, so I haven't had that much time to do the stuff I would like to do.

I do however, have a day off today because Tuesdays are rehearsal days for Much Ado About Nothing. So I gave myself permission to stay up past my usual 9-10 pm bedtime last night and watch a movie. I watched Therese, a film about a young girl who joins a nunnery at the age of 15. It is actually a true story. Even though I wasn't really in to the praying to Mary part of the story, I really connected with Therese in that she realized that God wants the simple things. The invisible things. The tiny show of love. The tone of voice you choose when speaking to someone. Deciding to be nice to someone that really annoys you. In the movie, there is this other nun that is quite irritating and rude to her, but Therese decides to be nice and kind to her. She smiles at her, and when the nun asks why she is always smiling, Therese replies "I'm happy to see you". I really thought that moment was touching, because she was genuinely finding joy in being kind, even though the nun wasn't always the best person to be around. Therese wanted her heaven on earth spent showing her love for God. She longed for that intimate relationship with Him. Though I don't agree joining a nunnery was necassarily the answer, I do think her heart was in the right place, because that is what I want. To be intimate with God. And I want to find joy in doing his will, even in being nice to my worst annoyances.
In the movie Therese talks about having to be like a little child when coming to God. I want to be like that. I want to have a faith like a child. Remember being a child? I don't remember worrying about things like I do now. I remember trusting that everything was going to be alright, just like I trusted that oxygen was around me. The difference between then and now was then I think I just trusted. I don't remember necassarily trusting in God, I just recall trusting. But now that I am more conscious of God, I need to just trust in Him. I need to treat God like the ground I stand on that will not fall under me. Trust Him like He is air. Trust Him like I trust my feet to walk in front of each other. Trust Him like its normal. Like its not a thing I decide to do, just a thing I DO.

I remember when I was six years old we took a vacation to Thailand and stayed in a condo-type place. Well, all of us got sick when we were there. My mom and I got pink eye, my brother got a bad rash, and most of us were throwing up. There were also several geckos crawling inside the house, on the walls while we were awake and while we were sleeping. But its so weird, I have no recollection at all of being scared. Now I would be worried my brother had a deathly rash, our vacation was going to be ruined because we were sick, and I probably would have seriously considered buying a flight home in extreme fear of sleeping with geckos above me and around me. Back then, I didn't think any of these things. I trusted. I just did it. Like a little child. Thats why God tells us we need to come to Him like little children to inherit the Kingdom. He does not want me to have exceptions like an adult would when trusting in Him. He wants us to trust in Him like there's not a worry in the world. Because really, with God, there should be no worries. He made the world. He's going to take care of it.

I'm Back!!!!!!!!!

Why hello again and Happy New Year! It is 2008 now and it is time to began again fresh.
Well, on January 7th and 8th I had auditions for Shakespeare's Greatest Hits. We are doing Richard III and Much Ado about Nothing this year. After much painful waiting, the cast list came out and I was given the part of Beatrice in Much Ado About Nothing!!!!!! I'm so excited! The first rehearsal is today so it should be fun.

On a different note, God has really been encouraging me this week. I've been feeling kind of discouraged about my life and what I'm going to do with it...and if my business will ever get off the ground. I'm tired of people telling me I should go to college instead of just accepting my decision to take a year off and try and start a business. But God has been showing me that He is working through me despite my doubts. I realized yesterday after looking at my blog adress (beautyofgrace316) that my birthday( 3/16) is the same chapter and verse of one of the greatest passages in the Bible, John 3:16.

For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believes in Him will not perish but have everlasting life.

Funny, I've been living for 18 years and never noticed that my birthday coincided with the verse. And around the same time God shows me this I am praying to Him to make me feel like He loves me. God is amazing.
Another incident occured a couple weeks ago when I was in bed and pleading for God to show me in an unmistakeable way that He loved me. I felt prompted to open my cell phone, and when I did, I saw my banner which said "God Loves You". I'll admit, at the time, I was doubtful as to whether it was really God or just my own mind playing tricks on me. But when I was explaining the incident to my mom, it suddenly sounded so stupid that it could have come from anything else but God Himself. It is so encouraging to know that God is still working in me even if I don't feel He is all the time. It is all based on His works, not mine.

welp, I've got to leave for rehearsal at 2:45 and I need to vacuum, clean my dog's poo off the backyard, fix my hair, do my makeup, and eat lunch before I go. I know. It seems as if I have lots of time. But time goes by fast these days. I can't wait till I'm in Heaven and time is not an object.

---cort

sorry bout the long wait..

Hello,
So I was going to finish that year review thing...but I didn't have time to do it before the year ended. So it'll just be daily posts. More to follow soon.